A broken Hallelujah

Leonard Cohen at the MTS Centre in Winnipeg in 2009.

Leonard Cohen at the MTS Centre in Winnipeg in 2009.

We were leaving a Winnipeg Fringe Festival performance in Augustine United Church. Two tenors, who were really quite talented singers, had put on a show parodying the whole ‘tenors’ musical genre.

The showstopper was a version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah that, the tenors promised, would reveal what the song is really about.

Not that Cohen’s song beats around the bush. Consider this verse:

 

There was a time when you let me know

What’s really going on below

But now you never show it to me, do you?

And remember when I moved in you

The holy dove was moving too

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

 

Pretty clear what’s going on there, right?

But a lot of people just hear the Hallelujah.

 

So, we were on the way out after the show and the audience was talking about the song, and my companion and I couldn’t help but hear the conversation between two women behind us.

“I love that song.”

“I love it, too. Their version was pretty funny, though.”

“It was.”

“My sister-in-law would have hated it.”

“Why?”

“She refuses to listen to that song.”

“Why?”

“Somebody told her it is not about… something holy… you know? It’s about having sex. Like those guys just sang it. So she went home and read the lyrics and saw that was true. It is about sex. She was so shocked. She won’t listen to it anymore. And she used to love that song so much.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. ‘You shouldn’t write songs about that,’ she told me.”

The woman went on to say that her poor sister-in-law was at the folk festival when k.d. lang sang Hallelujah, and she got up and went to the back until it was over.

 

Hallelujah is about sex? I was shocked, too. I thought it was about so much more than that.

Yeah. Of course it’s about sex. That story about David watching Bathsheba bathing on the roof that Cohen references early on is pretty sexy. And it’s straight from the Bible. So’s the story about Samson and Delilah. It’s about the things we do for sex. Sometimes bad things. Sometimes things that doom us.

But it’s also a song about how the “Oh, oh, oh God, oh God, OH GOD!” rapture of sex is a mere practice run for the Hallelujah of spiritual rapture.

And I am pretty sure it is about a whole lot more than that.

Probably even Leonard Cohen doesn’t know the full extent of what the song is about, because creative rapture rides the same bus as sexual rapture and spiritual rapture, and all three of those things are pretty irrational.

You say you listened to the lyrics, sister-in-law? Did you really listen to them? Then you must have caught this:

 

You say I took the name in vain

I don’t even know the name

But if I did, well, really, what’s it to you?

There’s a blaze of light in every word

It doesn’t matter which you heard

The holy or the broken Hallelujah

 

Here on Earth, we’ve got lots of broken Hallelujahs. Earth is a broken Hallelujah. But each broken Hallelujah can take us closer to the holy one.

Hallelujah is about everything. War and peace and love and hate and holy and profane and creation and destruction.  And everything between those things.

And sex.

It’s about life, sister-in-law.

Why on Earth would you want to shut yourself off from that?

 

The icicles

Prisoner of winter

They are gone in the morning, when the sun rises above the cottonwoods and poplars along the river.

The drops splatter on the rail and make little rainbow bursts. Whole universes are born and die in a second.

The sun’s arc is a little higher in the sky than it was the day before, but still not high enough.

By early afternoon, they’re back.

The slippery fingers of winter.

We’re prisoners. We should have made our getaway when we had the chance.

We thought we had more time.

There are so many things that are out to imprison us.

Old age. Prejudices. Doubts. Fears.

Old habits.

Winter. Real and metaphorical.

Maybe tomorrow the fingers won’t come back.

So what will come in their place?

 

(Photo taken March 25, 2013, on my 61st birthday. I don’t like birthdays as much as I used to. Too many drops have hit the rail.

But having a birthday is certainly better than the alternative.)

 

Watch your back

One of the dozens of snow sculptures at the Festival du Voyageur. This one, done by a team from Italy, is called Watch Your Back! That's good advice for any generation.

One of the dozens of snow sculptures at the Festival du Voyageur. This one, done by a team from Italy, is called Watch Your Back! That’s good advice for any generation.

When you read — and write — historical fiction, there is one thing that you learn pretty quickly: people just don’t learn.

Yes, we know more. Or perhaps I should amend that to read we have access to more knowledge. When a high proportion of graduate students (even those living on the east coast) can’t even identify the Atlantic Ocean on a map without the help of Google, one could make a strong argument that many of us haven’t accumulated all that much knowledge along the way, either.

So, we live in a world where we can land spaceships on asteroids and close in on the Higgs bosun and discover the origins of the universe… and many of us don’t know where we live.

Before I continue, I must say something here in the interest of full disclosure. I am 60 years old.

So, here we go… another rant against the younger generations, right?

Wrong. This post was inspired by the fact that I am tired of rants against the younger generation. I have had to listen to them my entire life.

When I was a teenager, I had to listen to rants about how my peers and I had no respect for authority, didn’t know the meaning of hard work, our hair was stupid and our idols, The Beatles, were just an overrated flash in the pan.

And boy, were we in for a rude awakening.

When I was in my 20s, I had to listen to rants about how my politics were stupid and my idealism was too idealistic and we were playing into the hands of the stupid Communists. And my music? Well, I have to admit, they were right, there. Much of it was pretty stupid during that particular era.

And boy, were we in for a rude awakening.

When I was in my 30s, I was busy raising a family, so I’m a little fuzzy on what the younger generation rants were then. Stupid shoes? Stupid big hair? Stupid big hair bands? Stupid nihilists?

And now… now that I am an old guy, I’m still having to listen to rants — and I am even expected to participate in them.

Stupid teenage girls constantly texting. Stupid self-indulgent social media. Stupid geographically challenged university students. Stupid gamers. Stupid sense of entitlement.

“Get your heads out of your smartphones. Take a look at the real world around you.”

Well, guess what? They’re doing it.

I saw them.

I spent the day at Winnipeg’s winter party, the Festival du Voyageur. It was full of the younger generation. Dancing jigs. Chowing down on tourtière. Posing for goofy pictures with the ice sculptures. Jumping up and down to keep warm around fires. Rolling up frozen maple syrup on a stick.

These teenagers and young adults were very much aware that there was a real world around them — even if this one happened to be a re-enactment of a world that existed many, many generations ago.

The fiddle player I happened to hear while I was there was a slender, handsome guy in his 20s. His fingers moved over the strings like he had been playing for hundreds of years. Some of the songs he played were hundreds of years old.

He’d be a hell of a gamer, being able to control his fingers so well.

Maybe he is a hell of a gamer.

We’re basically just talking about tools here. My generation learned to use the tools of more accessible university education and easy travel and upward mobility.

This generation is learning to use the tools of instant communication and instant knowledge and instant gratification.

There are stumbles along the way. There are excesses and dead ends. But they’ll figure it out. Just like we did.

So, some things we do learn, I guess. But the big things? Not so much. We’ve learned it is not politically correct to hate races, religions, ethnic groups and certain lifestyles.

But does that mean there is less hate in the world?

No, it is just more spread out now. We are equal opportunity haters. Read the comments on the average online newspaper article to get a sense of that.

Humans are still greedy and selfish and dishonest. We still prefer to blame other people or places or things for our own shortcomings and unhappiness.

We still can’t see ourselves as others see us.

We still feel an overpowering urge to chop down the tallest poppy.

And despite all this, sometimes we sparkle.

Often we sparkle.

Maybe we should rant about that once in a while.

 

Why Winnipeg?

Esplanade RielDoes where you live have an effect on who you are?

Of course, it is going to affect your wardrobe, and, to some extent, it will affect your activities.

Hawaiians probably go to the beach much more often than, say, North Dakotans.

Does that make Hawaiians different from North Dakotans?

Well, consider these words spoken by George Clooney as the character Matt King in The Descendants:

“My friends on the mainland think just because I live in Hawaii, I live in paradise. Like a permanent vacation. We’re all just out here sipping Mai Tais, shaking our hips, and catching waves. Are they insane?

“Paradise? Paradise can go @#$% itself.”

Of course, Clooney said those words while wearing a colourful Hawaiian shirt and sporting a tan — a couple of things you don’t see much of in Fargo this time of year.

But his sentiment is clear: Your life can be shit wherever you happen to live.

You are who you are.

One’s geographical location is something Winnipeggers may ponder more than most. This is because, when you meet up with an old friend or relative who you haven’t seen for a while, and you are catching up with each other, one of the questions they will almost invariably ask is, “Why Winnipeg?”

There is a whole big world out there.

There’s The Rockies. There’s Sonoma Valley. There’s the Blue Mountains of North Carolina. There’s the hipitude of Portland Ore. (or Maine, for that matter). There’s the music of Nashville. There’s Montreal.

And that’s just one continent. There are six more.

Meanwhile, back in Winnipeg, it’s cold. It’s flat. It’s prone to flooding. It’s in the middle of nowhere. A city of this size has no right to be here and probably wouldn’t be if it weren’t for the world’s penchant for beaver felt hats a few hundred years ago and tough Scottish and Ukrainian immigrants who were sold a bill of goods.

So, why Winnipeg?

Right off the bat, we’ve found a definite effect that geographical location can have on an individual: Living in Winnipeg means you have to answer a lot of questions.

This makes some Winnipeggers defensive.

“Yeah, well, we have…” What? The Winnipeg Folk Festival? An orchestra? Grand Beach (for the four months the ice is gone and it is actually warm enough to swim there)? Wheat? The home of the Guess Who?

Right. That will convince them.

It makes other Winnipeggers aggressive.

“Yeah, well at least we’re not (insert name of place you despise here).

And it makes a few Winnipeggers bitter. It the depths of winter it sometimes seems like there is a disproportionate number of people here who spend their whole lives wishing they were elsewhere.

A recent commenter on a Free Press story remarked, “my favourite view of Winnipeg is in my rear-view mirror.”

But he, or she, is still here.

Perhaps it’s fear.

What if he, or she, put Winnipeg in their rear-view mirror and kept driving all the way to their perceived paradise.

And then, what if, in a few years, they found themselves, like George Clooney, saying, “Paradise can go @#$% itself.”

Then what?

 

So, my best answer to “Why Winnipeg” is this: It is because it is where I am at the moment.

What Winnipeg has is a bunch of people who find themselves here for whatever reason trying to make the best of it.

It’s got diehards. Diehard artists. Diehard musicians. Diehard entrepreneurs. Diehard workers. Diehard complainers.

That’s got to be worth something.

 

PS: For what it’s worth, Winnipeg also has its own diehard world-renowned ballet company. I just thought you should know.

Water marks

Robert got to know the Girl in the Boots, Elizabeth Ingham, on one of these benches in the summer of 2008. It was swept away in the Red River flood of 2009.

Robert got to know the Girl in the Boots, Elizabeth Ingham, on one of these benches in the summer of 2008. It was swept away in the Red River flood of 2009.

 

Cracked mud on the banks of the Red River in front of Robert's condo tells the story of the Red River Settlement: Flood, drought and the beauty that emerges in the struggle for survival.

Cracked mud on the banks of the Red River in front of Robert’s condo tells the story of the Red River Settlement: Flood, drought and the beauty that emerges in the struggle for survival.

 

This is a photo of my favourite walking trail. It was taken on the 22nd of June, 2009. That year was a flood year. My trail didn’t emerge until early June. The waves from the flooded river left a pattern in the Red River gumbo that remained throughout the summer.

Floods have always left their imprint on the Red River settlement, and later, on Winnipeg.

Alexander Ross described the flood of 1826 in his book, The Red River Settlement. A house he was building on the very land where these photos were taken was swept away.

Hardly a house or building of any kind was left standing in the colony. Many of the buildings drifted along whole and entire; and in some were seen dogs, howling dismally, and cats, that jumped frantically from side to side of their precarious abodes. The most singular spectacle was a house in flames, drifting along in the night, its one half immersed in water, and the remainder furiously burning.

The flood of 1997 would have been as catastrophic for Winnipeg had it not been for the floodway, which was built after the flood of 1950.

Same with the flood of 2009. It did sweep away the park bench where Robert had gotten to know The Girl in the Boots, though. Their relationship eventually got swept away, too.

Sarah McLeod

 

No photos exist of Sarah Ballenden (McLeod), but her daughter, Annie, was said to be almost as beautiful as her mother. This photo of her was taken in Red River in front of a painted backdrop of the Scottish Highlands.

No photos exist of Sarah Ballenden (McLeod), but her daughter, Annie, was said to be almost as beautiful as her mother. This photo of her was taken in Red River in front of a painted backdrop of the Scottish Highlands.

Her father was a Scottish fur trader. Her mother was a member of the Blackfoot tribe. Theirs was a marriage à la façon du pays. These were unions not blessed in any church. Some of them endured. Others were merely for the convenience of the man, and easily disposable.

When Sarah McLeod was 13, her father put her on a canoe on the Columbia River bound for the Red River Settlement (modern day Winnipeg), a distance of several thousand kilometres. A school had been started there to train the wild daughters of the fur traders to be  Victorian ladies.

It was 1832.

Sarah’s transformation was a spectacular success. She was soon the toast of the colony. She married Hudson’s Bay Company bigwig John Ballenden.

Sadly, there are always those who cannot stand to see another rise above.

Robert, a modern-day Winnipegger, uncovers her story — and some eerie connections — in The Girl in the Boots, a novel now available in ebook form at Amazon.

Now available at Amazon

Image

The Girl in the Boots is now available for $3.99 at Amazon as an e-book. Click here

If you like it, please write a review — and tell your friends. And be sure to keep coming back to girlinboots.com for more posts on the story behind the novel.

Thanks for  your support. For my American friends or those in other countries… this link puts you on the Canadian Amazon store. You will probably have to simply search for The Girl in the Boots on your own country’s Amazon store.

 

David Connors

The story behind the novel

The Manitoba Historical Society offers a fascinating introduction to the scandal that swept the Red River Settlement in 1850.

Sarah Ballenden, one of the central characters in The Girl in the Boots, was a ‘half breed,’ in the ugly terminology of the time. Despite prejudice against people with Indian mothers and Scottish fathers, she grew up to be a refined, educated, beautiful young woman. She married one of the leading men in the Hudson’s Bay Company. When he became chief factor of Upper Fort Garry, she became the leading woman of the Red River Settlement.

Having to defer in the social pecking order to a ‘half breed’ caused no end of aggravation for certain ‘white’ women in Red River, who started spreading rumours about her unfaithfulness, promiscuity, and even the parentage of her children.
The rumours got so bad, a lawsuit was launched against three of her worst tormenters. I’ll add a transcript of the trial in a future post, plus an image of a page from the original handwritten document. It offers a great glimpse into the mindset of the settlement, and of some of its citizens.

If you want to know more about Sarah’s sad story, see Destined to raise her caste, also offered by the MHS — and watch for my novel, Girl in the Boots, which will be published shortly.

Days of future past

View of St. Boniface, The Forks and Fort Garry by Paul Kane, 1848

View of St. Boniface, The Forks and Fort Garry by Paul Kane, 1848

Some argue that past, present and future all exist simultaneously. Most humans just happen to experience time in a linear fashion. We recall the past, experience the present, and pretty much forget the future until it happens.
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